Tuesday, December 24, 2013

In Defense of Sea World

Hi everybody. I just finished watching "Blackfish" and boy am I angry! I can't believe anyone would spread such nonsense about Sea World  and Shamu! I put together this little slide show to better educate you about Killer Whales in captivity.

Look at these majestic creatures! Four tons of black and white meat and teeth flying through the air only FEET from a crowd of humans! If Killer Whales really wanted to kill people they'd just land 10 more feet to the left! That's easily a kill of 110-115 people and who knows how many wounded. Harmless.

Did you know that Killer Whales love to wear sunglasses? Yep. They often search around fishing piers hoping to find a lost pair. At Sea World they CUSTOM fabricate sunglasses for each and every whale! Look how happy he is! He's thinking  "You suckers in the wild can only dream of a life this good". Heck half the people who bash Sea World Probably don't even own sunglasses! Stupids!! 

That's right. Even in the wild Killer Whales love to Hula. In fact they use the dance to tell stories. Afterward they have a luau and the Little Mermaid brings them fruity starfish pie!

At Sea World, safety is number one. Each trainer is equipped with silver whistle. Should the trainers legs become detached from his body, he can easily signal for assistance.

"What? No meal on this flight?"
 Did you know that Killer Whales migrate? That's right! In the days before captivity it was nearly impossible for a whale to get to Ohio. Now it's as simple as flying freight all the way to the Buckeye State. Let's see a wild whale achieve THAT.

Here's a great idea being forged right here at Sea World. Little by little they're teaching four ton, meat eating, killing machines to venture out of the water! Lion, your rule as King of the Jungle is OVER!

I don't even know what to say. I guess if things go wrong he can use that stick to pry his bleeding head out. Then he can blow his whistle for assistance.

I was a little bothered by the masturbation scene in "Blackfish". I guess if I were in captivity I wouldn't mind if 7 people rubbed one out for me. That's what they mean by "Whale Style" isn't it? Somebody's got to do it and, lady,.........I think he likes you.

Anyway as you can clearly see "Blackfish" the movie is horribly wrong. I'm never going to watch it again and that's for sure. I'd rather wear a Hawaiian shirt and strap myself to a half crazed, 15,000 pound carnivore and ride it like a horsey 30 feet below the surface of the FUCKING WATER!!!! 

Merry Christmas!

1 comment:

  1. I think it's rather culturally insensitive to call them killer whales. I'd like to start an online petition to start calling them Sea Pandas. It would lead to a better understanding of these poor exploited creatures.